ikilledit

Here’s what you have to understand about running: it is a solitary affair. People run in groups, teams, partners, etc. this I know. But even then— it all comes down to you (me).

You have to race against yourself. Sometimes this involves running a marathon. Other times it might just be about meeting that ‘3 times a week’ target. 

February was an awful running month for me. And March has started off very slowly. I’m running at a pace that is driving me mental. “What the fuck is this shit!? You’re running at this pace!? YOU SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED, GO HOME, GO TO SLEEP, HIDE UNDER THE COVERS AND APOLOGIZE TO THE RUNNING GODS!” 

Lately my mind has been screaming these things on my evening runs. Yesterday was particularly frustrating. I was out with my dad and I had him drop me off 5 km from  home. Told him I wanted to walk the rest of the way, just to clear my head and get some fresh air. I get home and I’m all inspired and driven. I think to myself: you just had a 5 km warm-up, why not throw on some laces and head out for an easy 5 km run. 3 km in and I lose all my momentum. I take a one minute breather (something I NEVER do) and then I turned off my RunKeeper app and walked the rest of the way home. My head just wasn’t into it. 

It seems like I keep hitting the same wall. And it seems to be mostly mental. My body is in good shape. Yet, I find myself struggling with my runs. I seem to be creating barriers and I’m just not happy with my runs. Yes, they feel good but it’s hard to explain unless you run on a regular basis. There’s this space that your body/mind goes to when you’re truly enjoying the sport. I’m not there and it seems like a long time since I have been. 

Nothing I can do except to keep on lacing up. It’s a battle.